I have been contemplating this blog more then any other post I have written or wanted to write. It because its something so close to my heart and I really feared criticism and mostly people feeling pity for me (which I hate). But I really owe it to my subbies and the small nit YouTube community we have built on my channel an explanation for being just completely MIA.
What I Didn’t Expect:
I consider myself an amateur and very small in this big vase space of Youtube—the internet in general. So what I didn’t expect was such harsh and hurtful remarks. My channel is made as a positive space for everyone to just learn and go with me as I go. Honestly I had to delete some comments that just were extremely hurtful and had nothing to do with the content I make. Some of the messages I would get is “this channel is a joke” or ” You’re retarded to think you would ever make it big” or even “go back to doing what chinese people do and leave YouTube for the professionals”. BTW: I am not even chinese . I can go on but tbh I tried to delete most of them to not constantly have these comments running through my head 24\7. I really thought I could brush it off and just be the bigger person; then every time I tried to film I would sit in that chair and before turning on the camera all the hurtful things just come rushing in and just make me not want to do it. I have always been open to constructive criticism but it got to the point were people would just comment on my flaws (even when it didn’t have anything to do with the video). It made me feel discourage and I just held it in. Even friends and family didn’t know I just up and stop filming. I wish I could just say it doesn’t bother me and it’s what I signed up for when I started Youtube (didn’t think I would actually get any nasty comments because in my eyes I’m still a nobody on Youtube). But this break has given me a lot of time to just think and do me.
Message to whoever is feeling down:
Even though the nasty words sink deeper then all the love and support I have gotten on the channel; whenever I go on my channel ever now and then I see those positive comments and people even dm-ing me with kind words it defiantly helps. I want everyone to know that they are never alone. Weather you’re dealing with bullies or your own demons. YOU are not alone and someone cares for you and will be there for you. Hell– I will be there for whoever even if I may not know you feel free to dm me. Don’t let haters change you or crush you’re dreams. Its not easy by any means but once you real no one can still your light you can still be the good in the world that desperately needs it. Don’t stoop to their level and don’t let your demons get the better of you (easier said then done trust me I know) But always be your own kind of beautiful inside and out.
If you guys aren’t already you guys can check out my Youtube Channel: ModrnGoddess
Message to all my Beautiful Subbies:
I just wanted to thank everyone who still subscribe to me and haven’t given up on me and really understanding I am only human and we all deal with emotions rather we like it or not. You guys mean so much and I can never thank you guys for all the loving comments and just still watching my videos and keeping up with me. I love you guys sososo much. I defiantly will be doing a fall GIVEAWAY to make it up to you guys for just letting the negative outweigh all the positive. Lastly thank you for overall keeping my channel such a beautiful, positive space for me to connect to each and every one of you!